Nowhere

I recognise people at times.

Mostly men.

And I stare at them over and over and I cannot place their face, or how we came to be in each other's presence before this moment but I know that I have shared an experience on some level with them. Whether it be a quick glance...a brief conversation... a kiss.

In the past few weeks this has happened to me at least three times. A guy at the new job used to work at a bar I went into a lot when I was at the height of crazy and I knew I recognised him from somewhere but I couldn't figure it out. I probably got served by him at least four nights a week and had countless conversations with him. He even remembers now what I would order and I felt so ashamed when all this came to light. I still haven't really been able to have a proper conversation with him about it.

On Wednesday when I went out with my friend to the rock club, a guy there kept staring at me and giving me what I can only describe as "I'm going to fuck you" eyes over and over again - and I knew I recognised him too, I have the feeling I may have kissed him on a drunken Tuesday that infamous Summer of 2008 when things were really very bad. He was rough and although not bad looking, he had the overall appearance of someone who could easily have passed for a gypsy.

In my mind these people are nowhere.

I would never have known they existed if it wasn't for these chance meetings again. And I have met them and shared things with them, and then forgotten them entirely, if I was even aware of them in the first place.

I find this so weird and also comforting as I know this could never happened now. It makes me feel better because I know my mind is in a better place. I have evolved as it were. And now I just need to make sure that I keep on the right path.