Wednesday

I realised this morning that I'm probably an alcoholic. Not one of those scruffy sullen men and women who hang around in town centres in yesterdays clothes, unshaven, unkempt, scaring passers-by, but not far off either. I haven't got dressed today. I didn't work. Again. My make-up is still on my face, making me look dirty more than anything. I haven't brushed my teeth. I feel a bit sick I'm so dehydrated. And it's five in the afternoon. Are hangovers supposed to last this long? I can't concentrate properly and I just want to get into bed and go to sleep.
This is all starting to get me into trouble. The dynamics of my relationship has changed since this began. The partying throughout the week. He's getting so annoyed with me. When I threw-up this morning I tried to hide it from him but he came downstairs while I was still heaving and went mad. He said he couldn't believe the state I was in on a Wednesday morning. And he's right. What am I thinking? And I go out and leave him too, don't come back until whenever I feel like it. Most of the time not remembering or knowing what I'm doing. He's started to say that he's scared for me. And I'm starting to feel like that too. Surely I should have grown out of this by now. And if not grown out of, at least learnt some sort of lesson. But it doesn't look much like it, not yet anyway. Except today I had a little look at Alcoholics Anonymous and I did one of their quizzes to see if you had a problem with drinking. I scored unnervingly high.
I want to try and change.